How to Advocate for Yourself When Postpartum Pain Gets Brushed Off

“How to Advocate for Yourself When Postpartum Pain Gets Brushed Off” is a collaborative post.

For whatever reason, after giving birth, everything painful gets treated like it might just be “part of recovery.” Sore? Normal. Crying in the bathroom? Normal-ish. Back hurts, stitches hurt, scar feels strange, pelvis feels wrong, breast hurts, sitting hurts, standing hurts, sleep is next to nonexistent, and the list goes on. Well, you just had a baby, yet because of that, all pain gets dismissed. Okay, sure, some discomfort is expected. And while yes, healing can be beautiful, sometimes it’s not always like that, at least while you’re dealing with it right in the moment.

Basically, there’s a difference between healing and being brushed off and told it’s normal. And a lot of new moms end up stuck in that gap, wondering if they’re supposed to be tougher, quieter, or just grateful enough to stop asking questions because of the fact they’re getting it all pushed off. And so clearly here, that’s the part that can mess with your head. 

Because the pain itself is exhausting you, it’s tearing you up (including the lack of sleep), and at the same time, here, that doubt is a whole different thing.

No, Don’t Let “Normal” End the Conversation

“Normal” shouldn’t be used like a period at the end of a sentence. If a provider says something is normal, it’s fair to ask what that actually means. Like, how long should it last? What should make it better? What would make it concerning? What should happen if it’s worse next week? Ask these questions! 

And yes, it’s probably best to realize here that postpartum pain can be hard to describe too, because it’s not always one clear thing. It might be pressure, burning, pulling, heaviness, sharp pain, aching, or just this awful sense that something isn’t right. So, if you can, just try your best to be specific here. 

It’s Okay to Bring Up Whatever’s Embarrassing

A lot of postpartum symptoms happen in places people don’t exactly love discussing with strangers, yes, even with a medical professional, like hemorrhoids, for example. But really, there’s no shame in this, especially if whatever is affecting you is making it hard to sleep, sit, use the bathroom, feed the baby, or just do day-to-day tasks. 

Just be Honest About What You’re Using or Considering

Pain makes people start researching. Of course, it does. When someone’s tired, sore, and not getting clear answers, the internet starts looking very tempting. It makes total sense. But postpartum isn’t exactly the time to quietly experiment with every supplement, edible, cream, or over-the-counter option without telling a provider, especially if breastfeeding. 

So, regardless of what you’re thinking for pain relief- be it CBD gummies for pain relief, yoga, waistbands, physical therapy, stretches, you name it- you need to discuss this with a healthcare professional first.

Your Mental Health Belongs in the Pain Conversation

And one last thing here: pain can make everything feel heavier. It can make bonding harder, sleep harder, patience harder, and basic confidence harder. It can also make a new mom feel like she’s failing when really, she’s healing without enough support. So yes, talk about the pain. But also talk about what the pain is doing to your mood, your anxiety, your patience, your ability to rest, and your sense of feeling like yourself.

Postpartum recovery shouldn’t require pretending everything is fine just because the baby is healthy. For whatever reason, that seems to be pressed on, but no, talk about how YOU’RE feeling!