How to Help Your Family Survive Through Separation

“How to Help Your Family Survive Through Separation” is a collaborative post.

Breakdown of a relationship and the resulting separation are one of the hardest times for a family. It’s a time of change, uncertainty, and big emotions—for all involved, but especially for children who have a narrow world view and may try to blame themselves. Despite this, it is possible to keep family life stable, hold on to the bond you have, and see everybody through it. With understanding, patience, and a few practical strategies, you can help your family survive through separation and start to thrive again.

1. Keep Communication Open and Honest

We don’t give children the credit they deserve when it comes to knowing something is wrong between us. If they don’t know what’s coming, they can feel anxious or excluded, and jump to conclusions that don’t exist. So be honest with them—within age-appropriate boundaries—about what’s happening.

Let your children know:

• It’s not their fault.
• Both parents still love them.
• The separation is a grown-up decision.

Consistency in your message is key. If possible, discuss with your co-parent how you’ll explain the separation so your children hear the same reassurance from both of you. Knowing you still love them just the same makes the world of difference.

2. Keep Routines Steady

During separation, routines are an anchor. School schedules, mealtimes, and bedtime rituals make children feel safe when other things feel unpredictable.

This might mean:

• Keeping bedtime at the same time in both homes.
• Continuing familiar family traditions, such as Friday night pizza or Saturday morning walks.
• Maintaining their hobbies and activities so they still have spaces where life feels “normal.”

Even small consistencies help children feel grounded, no matter where they are.

3. Don’t Fight In Front of the Children

This one is hard, because separation always involves disagreements—but children don’t need to see or hear your arguments. Avoid speaking negatively about your co-parent in front of them. Criticism or arguments can leave children feeling they must “pick a side,” which is emotionally damaging.

Creating a separation agreement can help to reduce the conflict involved between you and your partner by establishing clear boundaries from the outset.

If conversations with your ex are heated, use email, texts, or a mediator to communicate—especially about sensitive topics. This keeps your exchanges calmer and more focused on practical matters, rather than emotional ones.

4. Create a Co-Parenting Plan

If possible, work together to agree on a co-parenting plan. This helps reduce misunderstandings and sets expectations for:

• Living arrangements and parenting schedules
• Holiday and special occasion arrangements
• How decisions will be made about education, health, and activities

Clear boundaries and agreements give children a sense of predictability and show them that their parents still work together for their greater good, even if they’re no longer together.

5. Take Care of Your Own Emotional Health

Your wellbeing is just as important as your children’s. When you’re emotionally supported and physically well, you’re better able to be the calm, loving presence they need.

Some ideas:

• Reach out to friends or family you trust.
• Consider talking to a counsellor or joining a support group for separated parents.
• Nourish yourself with good food, gentle exercise, and restorative sleep.

Remember—self-care is by no means selfish. It’s essential for helping your family survive and thrive through separation.

6. Help Your Children Process Their Feelings

Children may react to separation in many ways—sadness, anger, confusion, withdrawal, or acting out. Let them know they’re not alone. In 2023, there were an estimated 2.4 million separated families in Great Britain, involving 3.8 million children (source: UK Gov).

Create space for them to express their feelings without judgment.

Try:

• Using books or stories about separated families to help them feel comforted.
• Offering creative outlets like drawing, journalling, or music.
• Help them to feel validated by listening, but backing off if they don’t want to talk right now.
• Be flexible, and be prepared to change the plans if your child needs to do something differently e.g. visiting schedules.
• Where possible, involve your child(ren) in decisions.

It’s also worth letting teachers or caregivers know about the separation so they can offer extra support and understanding.

7. Focus on Quality Time

When you’re with your children, be present. You don’t need to plan extravagant outings—small, meaningful moments together are what matter most to any child.

Examples include:

• Cooking together
• Reading at bedtime
• Going for walks and talking about your day

These moments reassure your children that while the family may look different now, your love for them hasn’t changed.

8. Seek Professional Guidance if Needed

Sometimes, extra help is necessary. A family therapist or mediator can help you and your co-parent navigate difficult decisions, improve communication, and find solutions that work for everyone.

If your children are struggling significantly—such as changes in behaviour, school difficulties, or signs of anxiety—consider speaking to a child psychologist. Early intervention can prevent emotional challenges from becoming long-term issues. Try the charity Relate for help with separation.

9. Keep Hope for the Future

Separation can feel like the end of something—but it can also be the start of a healthier, more peaceful chapter for your family. Over time, many children adjust well, especially when both parents remain actively involved in their lives.

By dealing with the transition with empathy, structure, and patience, you can help your children develop resilience, emotional intelligence, and the ability to adapt to change.

Final Thoughts

Helping your family survive through separation isn’t about pretending it’s easy—it’s about acknowledging the difficulty while showing your children that love, respect, and stability can still exist in your family. 

By keeping communication open, routines steady, and emotions supported, you can guide your children through this chapter with kindness and courage. And while the road may feel uncertain now, there’s every chance that, with time, your family will find a new balance where everyone feels safe, loved, and valued.